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My AM

on April 26, 2016

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This has been my morning.

So basically, I could die.

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Getting Older - Not for the Faint of Heart

My sweet Caroline went on a walk with me the other day. It was such a beautiful day that I snapped a picture of the two of us. When I was going through photos later, my first thought was "Ooh. Good picture of me." My second thought went something like "waaait a minute...," at which point I girded my loins and zoomed in. My third thought was...well, it was more like an inner sigh, where the air I lost was replaced with a feeling of resigned sadness. At fifty years old there's no faking it, I'm looking older. (I could provide a zoomed-in picture at this point but I'm not doing your work for you). DO NOT SAY ANYTHING such as "you look great" or "age is just a number" or the like. That's not why I'm writing this. I am getting older, and no skincare routine, superfood, or surgery is going to change it. Current attitudes seem to demand that I snap my fingers and crow about how "I wouldn't go back" and "I'm so...

Pretend its July 7th

A little girl that I affectionately call "C2" recently had a birthday. On July 7, t0 be exact. That's right, she and daddy have birthdays right next to each other. I love her. We had a tough time for the first few months of her life. But with every little layer of independence she becomes a little more content. Some of our favorite things about her include: her beautiful smile, so easy to get her little bouts of crankiness marked by a squeal, shaking of the head and throwing out her arm and waving it as if to say "stay away from me" her affectionate nature - even as a very young baby she would put her head on my shoulder or chest and just rest it there, wide awake (loves giving dad cuddles, too) her adoration of her big sister Claire and her love of books. She just loves to look and listen to us read. It's adorable. If you have made it to the end of this post, here's the big news. I am twelve weeks pregnant today. The baby ...

Wherein I See the Value in Difficulties (But Only While I Write the Post)

Two of the truest things about me: 1. I will complain to anyone, and to no end, about the frustrations and inconveniences of parenting. 2. I will tell anyone who wants to know that having kids is the best thing Tyler and I have ever done. I love them. So completely, so terribly. Every difficult thing they go through hurts me five times more than it hurt when I went through it myself. Look how automatically I went there! Parenting is so hard! But here's the point I'm making. I have shaken my fist so many times at Heavenly Father, telling Him that he conned us . He didn't tell us how grueling and confusing life was going to be. Well, He did tell us. But telling us was never going to give us a real sense of what it was like. Experience, only experience, could show us all the things we were meant to know. And it occurred to me recently that those conversations with my heavenly parents were just like me talking about parenting to someone without kids. "It's awful! You...

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