-I may have misunderstood the interaction
-I may have been seeing things that weren't there.
But I don't think so. So I write this under the assumption that things went down the way they seemed to.
I made a joke. Some people laughed but one person made a face. When I called them on it, essentially saying "I was just joking," they made another face and started another conversation.
I couldn't get out of that social gathering fast enough. I felt like I had gone back in time to being 13, low on the social totem pole and subject to the whims of a classic mean girl. (Those exist in your 40s and 50s?)
I'm an easy target. I'm allergic to small talk, a place where most people are most comfortable. I share a lot of myself because it's too boring to do anything else and hope that people will do the same. So many don't.
That's fine, that's fine. I know people are all different. But the face - not necessary. Not attributable only to differences between people. Mean.
Then to find out after crying some tears that this same person had done something wildly unfair to someone I loved, while having very little information about the whole situation that "justified"
their actions.
So where do you think I am after that? My hurt and anger have hardened into dislike and a desire for...if not revenge, definitely comeuppance.
Guys! This is living! This is what it's all about! All of the counsel by Jesus Christ to turn the other cheek, to love and pray for those that use you and spitefully use and persecute you - situations like this are when the rubber hits the road. Situations like this are a lot harder than the scriptures make it sound.
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| He lived what He taught |
What I've decided is that forgiveness is really just moving on. Living your own life, unconnected to those who have hurt you, refusing to dwell.
A quote from Jane Eyre: "Life appears to me too short to be spent in nursing animosity or registering wrongs."
OK. Not going to nurse the feeling, not going to register it. From this posting on, it's "living my best life" time! Abra Kadabra!
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