Why I Oughtta

This one is sitting like a big girl while mom folds up the stroller. She's feelin' pretty good after getting some fresh, muggy, air.

I’ve been thinking lately about when she’s 12, 18, 25 years old. I don’t know why, but lately I’ve been afraid of falling into the “after all I’ve done for you” trap. I don’t want to feel that way about my kids, even when they’re acting ungrateful.

This is the reason: out of the two participants in the parent/child relationship, there is no question that I have benefited more. Claire has depended on me and Tyler in every way for her survival. But I can’t come close to articulating what I have gained from being Claire’s mom. It’s a privilege to love someone that much, and to take care of them in every way.

Sidney Poitier has this great speech in the movie “Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner.” (Speaking to his father) “You tell me what rights I've got or haven't got, and what I owe to you for what you've done for me. Let me tell you something. I owe you nothing! If you carried that bag a million miles, you did what you're supposed to do! Because you brought me into this world. And from that day you owed me everything you could ever do for me like I will owe my son if I ever have another.”

I’m not saying my children should be allowed to be total sh*ts. But on the flip side, if I have a good kid who is living a good life and talks nicely to me, I don’t want to feel entitled, like they have to work off some debt to me. I want to let them breathe, let them go. It is their right to live and experience and make mistakes. And I was blessed to ever be a parent in the first place.


  1. amen and amen. also i love her little blond hair and i love those grins.

  2. You can't be too upset...I do have a pic on my blog... you just didn't scroll down enough. Try again!

  3. She looks like SUCH a big girl. Practically adult. I would really enjoying hugging her with a tight squeeze.

  4. What a great thought for the day. I need to remember that with my oldest. I think I've said those very words! Glad I found your blog!

  5. No way, I expect my kids to freaking serve me for bringing them into the world...I gave them damn good genes :)

  6. I really love reading your blog-- it makes me feel like I need to write more interesting or intelligent things, but alas, I am what I am. :)


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