Tyler got home from a conference this week, one of two within the last month and a half. It was five days that felt like 20. We are so glad to have him back. I have some cute pictures to post when I'm at my home computer and don't have a one year old insisting on pushing keyboard buttons.

I was driving into work this morning and I felt this flash of self satisfaction - it was so quick I don't even remember what it was for or what started it. And somehow I caught myself in that and felt kind of disgusted. I just thought, "you are a mess. And there's this one isolated thing that you might do well, and that's only if the situation is right, and you think that means you've got it all figured out."

I keep thinking that the more life I live, the greater mastery I will have over my own flaws. But instead, the more I live, the more flaws I find.

I think it would be so peaceful to be perfect. I don't mean perfect in the way that movies portray perfect (pinched and caucasian and self-superior). I mean truly perfect - good and loving and wise and in control of yourself and accepting and brave and respectful of the experiences of those around you. It sounds really nice to have that all together. And I just don't.

This is not a pity-party or a down-on-myself post. It's just an acknowledgement of how far I have to go. Hopefully it makes up for my ugly little moment this morning.


  1. I want to be perfect, I want to, I want to, I want to! (Just picture the stomping up and down:)
    We all have those moments and lots of humble ones in between to make up for are doin' just fiiiiine Deb. (Imagine southern drawl with fine) Lahvoo.


Post a Comment