I'm forty, so I'm super self actualized.

There is the rare moment here and there when I come across a Victoria's Secret catalog or a picture of Halle Berry on the red carpet and think, dang, it would be fun to be that thin.

But a new idea has been crystallizing in my mind. Maybe Halle should be jealous of me. Because I can eat a meatball sub and not lose my job. Do you think Jennifer Aniston eats chocolate pudding? Maybe a teaspoon, every seven years.

And so, to honor my awesome self and some awesome restaurants I've decided that the next time I see a picture of Giselle, I'm going to pity her.

 P.S. I imagine Giselle's response would go something like "exqueeze me? I can't hear you over the engine of my private yacht."