Forgetting Judd Apatow

Judd Apatow, I love/hate you. Truly, I do. I don't want to hear the F word 140 times within two hours. I'm not interested in crassness, vulgarity, or boobs.

But you're so funny, Judd. So funny.

That's why, when I see a Judd Apatow movie edited on cable I am dropping everything. I probably watched "The 40 Year Old Virgin" on USA 20 times between 2007 and 2010.

And "Forgetting Sarah Marshall." Oh my gosh. Favorite scene: Jason Segal's character, Peter, is all depressed and trying to get over his girlfriend. Kemo, a gigantic hotel employee, tries to comfort Peter by inviting him to help prepare the pig for a luau that night.

Cut to Peter with a knife in his hand, Kemo holding a squealing pig and yelling to "do it." Peter's lines! They make me laugh every time. "Don't make me do this!" he cries. Then he stabs the pig, crying "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"

Peter Segal is so tortured and totally hilarious in that scene.

Then they cut to Kemo and Peter carrying the pig across the beach with a beautiful sunset in the background while Peter quietly sobs.

Kemo: [after Peter kills the luau pig] You can stop crying now. He's dead already.
Peter Bretter: I'm not crying. You should stop crying.
Kemo: I don't cry. I'm not a baby.
Peter Bretter: Really? Because you look like a gigantic baby. I'm sorry, I didn't mean that at all.

This scene is closely tied with one between Jason Segal and Bill Hader, who plays Peter's step-brother, Brian.

I. Love. Bill Hader.

Brian with his wife, Liz.

Brian: Look. Liz and I, we think the world of Sarah. We think she's great. But, and I'm just being honest here, every time she would come over to our house, she always acted, you know, like a... like a little bitch. Okay, okay, okay, pump the brakes.
Peter Bretter: Dating Sarah is not like dating Liz, okay? Sarah is better than Liz!
Brian: You really want to have this conversation? Do you really want to have this conversation?
Peter Bretter: Yes.
Brian: [screaming] She is the mother of my unborn child!
Peter Bretter: [meekly] Sorry.
Brian: You're my step-brother! We're not even blood! I have no qualms with sticking you! I will equalize you!
Peter Bretter: Sorry.
Brian: You dick!

The way Bill Hader says "like a little b-" part kills me. And then Jason Segal with the "Sarah is better than Liz!"

Mormon friends, can you forgive me for loving something so naughty? Non-Mormon friends, can you still love me for apologizing for loving something so naughty?