You Can't Make This Up

These are all actual, real life conversations that have occurred under my roof today.

Debra: Are you going to judge me if I throw these nachos away from last night?
Tyler: No. (Pause) Are you going to judge me if I slap you?
Debra: Yes. If you slap me, I will judge you.
Tyler: (Shrugs as if to say "fair enough.")

Claire (while listening to a John Denver song): Is this guy old?
Debra: Yes. He was a big singing star in the seventies.
Claire: When the dodos were alive?

Matthew: May I please have a hot dog?
Debra: Yes, and what nice manners you have!
Matthew: (Produces a robust, perfectly timed belch)

I can't say my life is boring. You can say other things. But you can't say that.